...weird week

A weird week. Yes & no. 

I had a few things I needed to pick up for a party I had been invited along to on the Friday.

So I ran into town, from work, during lunch time to see what I could find

Not that this is a problem .  However this was the first time in fully male mode. Which I must say really felt uncomfortable. 

Shopping in female mode I've done a number of times now ,  Never any awkwardness about that.  This situation seems so clear to me.  My attitude now tho that is "This is how I'm presenting, accept it".  In male mode there was this guilty feeling rife in the back of the head that I was invading foreign space. Sorry mate you no longer belong here no matter how you feel. 

Got though it.  Odd though.

Found what I wanted, pink & black accessories.

Wedensday started out with a meal at a local restuarant. 

When & say local , I mean 200 meters from home local, which was fine. 

Decided as it was a bit chilly , trousers , jacket & flat shoes were the best idea for the evening . Then in a typical momentary change of mind went with pencil skirt & heels .  All well & good until the moment I steped out of the door & down came the snow .  The dilema was should I stay or should I go ? . Decided to go for it & walked pretty briskly for someone on heels to the venue.  Only slighty white & damp when I arrived.  

Met with a couple of friends, the place was mostly busy.  Not sure what the party of parents & children made of us three. Nothing was said. so all I guess was ok. 

Good meal , good chat , the world according to T put right once again. Soft revolution plans formed over soft drinks. 

Next time though I think I'll chose the venue & make within veiw of my friends bedroom window instead :O) 

Popped out to the pub one evening , a few friends milling around.  I somehow get talked into doing a talent show spot for the LGBT history month in tmy fine city .  Kind of whished it was just all talk.  These things catch up with us though.

Friday night.  Now here a was an odd evening . 

This was the party to which I had an invite.  My friend Di was comming along to so we agreed to meet up at my house , get changed & ready prior to hitting town. 

The theme for the night was just 'Trash party' , the dress code Bizarre Circus. New York Club Kids. Grotesque Burlesque and CyberDog. James St. James. Party Monster. Club Freak Show. Leigh Bowery. Beyond Drag and most of all TRASH!

Erm not my usual ,  but  sounded fun.  So I had been putting together a whole overthe top pink & black gothic satin & lace affair together Starting to worry that Ive get to be in public like this for a while .  

Never mind.  

Di had come in a full neck to toe , arm to finger tip  zebra print cat suit. So we were going to look as odd as one another which made me feel strangley better.  

We wet to meet up friends at their shop first , drinks & finish getting ready. Out party now numbered 5. Every one in the spitit of the night . It was going to be fun  :O) 

Walking up the road, the strange crew stopped off of course at the most male dominated Friday night cheap Weatherspoons drinking hole that could be found.....well just for the hell of it.  Its supprising how accepting folk are of a whole group dressed outragously can be. No problem.

Onto the party .

Sigh of relief .  Were not the only ones dressed. 

It was bing held in a public club though .  Not sure what the main clientel made of us all. Again though ,  no problems .  The music loud , plenty of UV glow sticks & trash dancing the night away . 

Good fun ,  not sure dancing on soft furnished podiums was a good move , but I survived anlkes intact. 

Top night .  Will certainly do another trash party.

Saterday. Di had grabbed the spar room for the night . The day started slowly. nothing much to do .  Another day to be spent in girl mode though .  Di went off shopping in town .  I just had to recover my camera from the shop. 

No really good photos from the night before. As the addage goes , no photos , so did the event happen ? 

Well, not all lost I had my small , nasty camera with me . Not great ,but it did a job. 

Si I had agreed to meet up with Di for the evening .  same routine. Drop round to the flat , get ready go off to teh function. 

Di too had been talked into the TGBT Talent show the night before.  Not enough time for her to sort out her keyboard , but opted to sing instead. I wasnt alone .  My lackluster agreement to do this thing seemed now to be set . No choice .

Dressing a little more sedately than the previous night & had to lug guitars & amps to the pub . Dicide what I was to do & try & set up . Kill the nerves & figure how to make this as painless as possible. 

Well , not only have I never played in a dress before.  I've never played to a crowd of more than 2 before let alone a packed pub waiting to be entertained.  Anothe r couple of firsts to tick off the list.

Much fretting about fretting on stage.   

Of course they wanted me to go first & kick the whole thing off.  Arg no.  I could happily have walked out then.  & should of. 

Little things that go wrong can have a dramatic effect on you. 

Having to reset the amp at the last moment to suit the P.A. didnt help. Setting up while the DJ would turn the music down didnt help. Changing my mind at the last moment & playing something completely different didnt help. Standing playing   instead of my usualk sitting & playing didn't help . My guitar strap beaking once I had started didn't help,  pulliung the jack plug out when ~I went to retrieve thestrap didn't help at all.  So when I resumed , confidence was shot & I was a bit all over the place. 

Having said that , great relief when it was over.  Let me get on the enjoy the rest of the evening.  Di was quite pleased she was up next so she could do the same I think.  As nevous as I &  this is someone who has performed on a bigger stage before. 

Oddly I didnt win :O) 

Sunday. Girly shopping day .  

New shoes skirt , fair bit of window shopping & changing room invasions. All good.

Nice to have some one to go along with for once. 

Di was out looking for a new dress for an Anti valantines day next week. 

I was happy that the shoes were only a pound more expensive than the parking :O) 

Enjoyed that. 

Afternoon tea I John Lewis & home. 

Good week .

...MK dons a dress

Another varied week. 
 On Saterday I find myself being asked to do wedding photographs for a friend. I had to point out that my ability with a camera is pretty limited & wouldn't really be fair on the couple, but it looks like I may be doing it in conjuction with a photographer friend of mine. This will be a first. Eep ! .
After an evening out on Wedensday I find I have agreed to do catwalk for friends of mine who run their own Couture fashion business, to be combined with a charity event being run by the local City College.  Eep too!
Begs the question should trannies do fashion shows, not sure how seriously other folks involved will take this. Oh well.
   
Friday I made a bit of a snap descision to travel down to Milton Keynes to attend the Angels 10th birthday party. 
So to start with I took Friday off work (relief) & went shopping in the city center. Thought I would go & find something new for the evening. Anyway a fair bit of looking aroud, couldn't find a thing that leapt out at me & shouted 'buy me' ,or if it did, then of course it stopped at size 12. Curse my frame. So a bit of an empty start......well apart from raising a few eyebrows which always makes me smile.
So I jumped into the car. Sensible flat driving shoes for once & comfortable outfit( as pictured above) & off I went.
Discovered what a dreadful place Milton keynes was to drive around. Someone seems to have overkilled on the round abouts. Like driving around concrete crop circles.
I had managed to blag a room at the Hilton Doubletree Milton Keynes cheaper than a travel lodge. A big hotel doing luxury rooms for £35 a night with breakfast, whats that al about ?
Ammused my self at flustering the receptionist on her first day in the job, but she was pleasent enough. As were the rest of the staff
Another first for me, hotel booked in her name . No problems.



The aim was to go to Pink Punters for the do in the evening. A place I've always told my self was a bit off limits. The idea of a hundred trannies in one place is almost my vision of hell, but in the end was really quite pleasent & casual.
I wanted to just meet a few people I had either spoken to or communicated with over the years, just a hi & hello. Which , with my limited social skills I attempted & failed. I always find talking to near strangers somthing of a daunting challenge. Possibly still the shy teenager left in me mixed with my own brand of awkwardness. I was a bit supprised though just how many faces I seemed to know , even if the names were not there in my head. Dont quite know why that is. I'm not one to scour the internet or spam forums or even use Flickr much these days, but It seems the trans community is full of such varied & lovely people & they all descended on MK this week.
A few new people met along the way too, dinner & a bit of a chat, all in all a good evening. A new experience in what is slowy becoming a more comfortable situation for me. . I'm glad I went along instead of being the coward & dismissing the idea as I so very often do at the last moment.

No sure I was so happy about the drive home though.

...Bubble & Lara

Another short tune & movie clip I threw together.

Im stopping short of calling this medium trannimation. :O)

...when bored

...do as the bored do.

I don't know what that would be ,  but I turned to making silly movies while I was at home sickly.

...new year

The holiday season has come & gone.

That survived & even enjoyed this year.

I guess it helps Iv'e been around people this year which has made the difference.

The lead up to Christmas seemed such a blur, so many things to attend , so many dinners.

It seemed like a whole years socialising had been condensed into three weeks.

This culminated with my first Christmas eve, day & boxing day as her, with the minor interuption of Christmas dinner with the folks.

A hurdle for next year maybe.

New years was just great. Went out with friends & let go a little . Even a little drunk. 

Friends alone suprises me. In the last year Iv'e met so many new friends and associates, male female,trans,of all walks of life and social back ground.
This all really just proves to myself that I believe my self confidence has risen a little this year, that I can now interact with folk a little more.

I've done some things that may have filled me with dread 12 months ago.

I'm not all the way there yet,  may never be but I think i'm progressing at my own pace and managing to maintain a certain level of sanity with it.

Well thats it for now. No resolutions for the next year. I shall see what I'm faced with & deal with it then.

Hoping the rest of the year shall, like yesterdays stroll, be a cool calm walk in the park.

Wishing anyone who may read any of this the most pleasent of days for the coming new year.

 

...acceptance speach

It has been a week of dinners and socialising on both sides of the coin and in equal measure.

Some good nights, some great & all unique in their own way .

People blowing off steam in thier own way which to be honest has little to do with the seasonal festivities. Bit hypocritical really , but there you have it. I'm just as hypoctitical in this sense. 

Monday night was not a pre-meditated or planned dinner, do or party. I had intended a quiet night in. 

There was an open invitation to attend an alternative LGBT carol service, which with my stance on the subject of religion I had given my apologies almost straight away with out much further consideration.

However , on the Sunday night prior to the event I had been giving this a little more thought.

Here was a group of people making an outward effort to embrace and welcome an element of the fringe community.  Offering a little acceptance, acknowlegement.  An olive branch.  Something we all sectrtly desire I suspect.

I came to the conclusion that if this church can put aside what I would percieve as differences then who am I to reject thier openness without compramise? . A) it would be just down right rude & selfish of me, B) removing any barriers between any section of the community has got to be engouraged surely  ?

My stance has never been to reject organised religion. I truely have no problem with people having thier beliefs , traditions & rituals.  In truth I find myself a little jealous of peoples faith . Something not available to me.

My problem has always been with the systematic judgement. The I am right , you are wrong element.

I find it a little confusing though with what is essentially the same denomination  , how interpritation can allow such a divergence of acceptance within the church.

Here was a group offering that acceptance though.

So I  attended.  Memories of my childhood around the fringes of the church & more specifically my old church run school came flooding back.  Not terrible moments , but they have been consigned to  thier place in my memory.

Part of the sermon was simply about acceptance.  Acceptance of people, however they want to live, what they want to believe, how they want to present or see themselves.

Wonderful.  Well maybe. I sat & listened and came to the conclusion that this was a call to all present on both sides of the congregation.  Here we all are just people get along with each other,  but to my mind the mere fact that these folk were there was indication that this was possibly already the case.

Preaching to the converted already.

Baring in mind that prior to walking in through the door, the busy city out side I had been whistled & shouted out at. (which is ok , because trans folk don't have feelings)

I seemed to me that, although welcome, the sermon was a little mis-directed.  For both groups present who still get dirision from the general populus the focal point of the should not have been toward those inside the walls,  but those on the outside. 

That said ,  I did actually feel better for going along. I thank those who arranged this  & thank them for prompting me to be a little more considerate.

...another winters day

No reason to blog these except to pass on the calm that was the garden this morning.