Sunday, April 08, 2012

I've been in a strange place recently which I believed to be unique to myself, except for a couple of chance conversations had with friends & extended family members. 

Since the babies birth I & ,as I later discovered my partner, have been suffering a form of identity crisis. 
One of simply loosing ourselves.
Loosing how we identify ourselves & how we think others see us now. Strangely how we see each other.
All this because our lives now revolve around & focus almost 100% on baby.

For me this feeling extends beyond any conflicts I have. Male/female irrelevant.
Currently none of that exists. Maybe doesn't matter.  I'm one nor the other, just a parent. 
I feel whole facets of my life, my personality, my being have been stripped & swept aside to leave just this two dimensional person. 
No frills , just function.

Conflicting in as much that it feels so empty yet so fulfilling.

But I / we are not the only ones it seems.
How many times I've heard now from friends that this is how they have felt too.
How they just identify and are identified as being someones Mum, with their own persona erased.

I'm not to sure if this encouraging or not. 
I guess we need to change & adapt.
I may selfishly feel this harder because it's taken me so long to get where I was, but I doubt it.
I'll be there for her. I'll absorb this for myself

I would not change things for the world.