...foolish things.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

black day 2

I appear to be going slightly potty at the moment.
I'm at a total loss to explain it.
So distracted from what I should be doing.

I phoned into work today , told them I wouldn't be there & went shopping instead.
I never do that.

Lara dosen't often go shopping as a rule,  & certainly not on her front door step.

Today I just had to give up bowing to others expectations.
I needed time to my self.

I lost a lot of the day browsing , not buying .
No need to buy.
Shop assistance all being very pleasent. 

I went to see the very nice folk at Macc in Norwich, finaly got around to finding a foundation that will actually suit.

Sorted out an appointment to get something sorted on my hair too.  Another nice lady in the salon.
Lots of advice on why it's breaking so much at the moment.

Stopped sort, wondering 'should I get my ears peirced?',  it was a close run thing though.

No snide remakes in the street , why's every one being so nice ?

A good day & probably a tonic I felt I needed at the moment.

Which is ok ,  a tonic is pleasent , but doesn't provide answers. 

It's odd. When him I think about her,  When her I don't think much about him.
None of the pressure to cover up. Less of the need to control myself.
Which scares and elates at the same time.  Arg.  Just how screwed up is all of this?.

I think the definition of who I thought I was may need clarifying despite my convictions to the contrary.
I though I was clear where I stood.

...but running away from it ....going shopping although a distraction, is not the solution.


Jess H said...

I feel for you dear - its a confusing time, my early spreading the wings were, and tbh the confusion is never far away.

I completely lost interest in work for a while - its not back.

Have you considered some time with a therapist?

Lara Tyg said...

For the first time in my life I have actually been seriously considering that, but again its a case of where to start , how to approach & to be honest Iv'e still find the courage to do so.

Misty Luna said...

Well done girl.
I have thrown a sickie a couple of times before to spend the day enfemme - but nothing ever as good as you.

Well done for the courage you have shown, enjoy it and continue to do so



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