...back in black

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Ok , back to the blog away from my silly cartoons, butterflies & the other nonsense that makes up the majority of my days.
Back to trans-stuff & Back to going out again on Wednesday night.
Back in another all black outfit. Which is really becoming rather dull & un-inspiring of me, so much so I won't even bother to post up the photo.
...and back to the start.

It's now been a year since I first stepped out of my front door. For better of for worse.

I met the comparable image of myself of a year ago this week.
Kicking around outside . To wound up to go inside .
She spotted me in the car park while I was being all miss vain & combing my tangled mess of a mane in the car.

Did I actually hear myself say 'no worries come in with me , it will all be fine."? I think I did.
Like I'm so full of confidence & know it all.

Well she was fine & could not have picked a better night. There were probably 15 varied trans folk about. All highly friendly as per norm. Some out for the first time, some old war horses. (am I allowed to utilise that expression?).
Anyway this was kind of good , It allowed me to sit back & listen. (Sorry it's what I do.)
She was whisked away & entrapped with the others. Interrogated on I don't know what subjects.
There's the old trans-dogma that comes out. I kind of expect that. I tend not to join in much. Not a case of heard it all , but more a case of I don't have the insight or the comfort zone to discuss, but it was nice to sit & just interject into the conversation when it did drift to other subject.

This I guess is my way of settling to this new situation , even after a year.
Being a bit grey in the background.

So there's the new girl , and then there is myself.
Now both in the same situation.
Whats the difference. Is this the me of a year ago ?
Well it's hard to tell. Like her I get the feeling of being ripped apart every time before I go out.
I know only a little more about myself. I have made no great change to the world by being me in a dress.

So what is the big difference ?

I'm happier. That about sums it up.

I hope in a year she feels the same.

On a foot note, it was so nice to meet a young trans girl whom had been brought out for the evening by her mother.
Normally I would think . Huh. Something not quite right here, but her acceptance of the situation I thought was wonderful. I'm not sure what the poor woman made of everyone there, but the youthful grin of delight on her teen daughters face I think made up for the situation.
Also a first time out. I recognised the inner glow of happiness.


Pandora Caitiff said...

Ah-ha. Nicole mentioned a newbie and her mum the other week. I'm very proud of both of them for coming.

I've been to the venue loads this year, but I have still to go to one of the meetings.

I think it's partly because I don't like mixing with people just because we share a single commonality. I decide whether I want them as a friend or not based on other factors too. (You can take that as a subtle compliment if you'd like!)

Its also attention seeking. If there are other trannies they steal attention away from me.

Or maybe its just the Inverse Law of Trannies :)

Jessica Hart said...

I'm pleased you can look back on the journey of the last year with fond memories - whats the target for the next year - colour :;

Helping out someone else on their first ventures out is a special thing - then as you seem them become bolder you can rejoice in their flowering.

alan said...

I spent some time just now with your Flickr, and can't imagine you ever being afraid of "stepping out"!

Gorgeous photos; photographically there are some "high key" things in there that are amazing...white on white ones that anyone would be proud of, and your lovely self in each of them!

Thank you for being you; thank you for having the heart to reach out to someone else!

I'm glad you are happy; that's in short supply in this life!


Lara Tyg said...

Pandora I think you have mastered (mistressed ?) the Inverse Law of Tranny radiance. This is probably why I took me 10 mins to get served at the bar the other day. I became invisible while inside this aura. sigh. :O) (is it measured in JessieBelles by the way ?)

Jess, I'm not sure I can lay claim to the nurture of a new blossum. A little escorting & introduction is a small thing. Although I kind of wish someone had been around, I seem to remember it was a leap of faith at the time.

As for next year, colour maybe , but there are som many shades of black to explore.

Alan. You will catch cooties looking through my photos !. Glad you liked though :O)