...innocence nonsense

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Returning from another night out.
At what point it becomes routine & ordinary? I don't know.

I never know quite what to say for myself when out so I tend to clam up a bit. Where's to positive in that ? Not good for those around me . :O(

The years resolution was to be a little more positive about everything. That's not just Lara, but me as a whole.

Well Iv'e tried smiling a bit more, tried engaging small talk, lost some of the attitude & sarcasm at work. Little things to make me feel better.

I'm still over analysing myself though & everything. Which is bad thing.
Trying to resolve some of the contradictions in my life may prove a bit more than just a change in positive mental attitude.

Example , I went out on Friday night, dressed ( Still in trousers I might add ) Playing up to my feminine side.
Then I spend the next day on the rugby park. Playing up to my male side.
I seem to be exercising the extremes of my personality & not really finding any common middle ground at present.
Quite what the hell I'm trying to prove to myself I don't know.
Lara comes & goes in waves, or the deep urge within does, but then I guess so does the urge to go out & be outwardly blokish.

The question is does anyone ever find the happy balance, or do you ultimately have to swing, off centre one way or the other to reach some kind of resolution. If so, at the moment, I'm pretty sure it's Lara that will loose out, but I don't want that either.

Mind you Mr Mercury , one of the most contradictory characters of the last few years did sing "I want it all.......and I want it now" , but then Im sure he was never seen in a dress.


Pandora Caitiff said...

So sometimes you are very girly, and some times you are very blokey? I'm sure that you also spend time when gender is not an issue, but obviously you don't notice those times.

Sounds pretty balanced to me. Try not to over-analyse it too much.

And I hope your last comment was meant to be a gag. Don't you remember the video to "I Want To Break Free"? :)

Lara Tyg said...

Yeah, most of the time in between is spent drinking tea or thinking about drinking tea. I think Tea drinking is probably gender neutral.
I guess I'm pretty happy with that.


(oh & yes It was & yes I do, scary how cute Roger Taylor looked to a hetrosexual teenage boy)

Anonymous said...

Well, i have to say, I have read quite a bit of your blog, looked at the pics, and you are a lovely person, Gorgeous figure, lips that look beautiful when painted, legs that look stunning in stockings, and a face thats beautiful, I am so glad I have seen you, and read about you,Would be nice to share a cup of tea with you?