...no exit

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I took a very brief & shaky wander out side the front door last night.
Totally inappropriately dressed.
I don't know why I have this underlying urge to embarrass myself like this.
I just do. I need for something more I guess.

I returned I shook for a full five minutes.
The brain seemed to shut down with the exception of my paranoia.
Such a coward.
Such a coward.


Pandora Caitiff said...

Not a coward. You actually did it. However briefly.

Only you can define your boundaries.

Helena Love said...

My first trip out was pretty much the same an inappropriately dressed 5 minute dash after dark in absolute terror, nearly wet myself, but I survived. So did you. I did it again 2 weeks later, just another 5 minute dash, but just before I got back to my flat lifted my head and smiled to myself, it actually felt good, felt real and I've been going out regularly ever since. Going out dressed is a huge piece of self validation, a positive thing, it (well for me anyway) make the feminine self far more real, not just some fantasy. You eventually find the rest of the world is either to busy to notice or doesn't really mind anyway. Just be yourself Hun.

Lara Tyg said...

Thankyou both
Its not my first time out , but it was the first time out of MY front door.

The real trouble is that Im surrounded on all sides by people that know me , no change to slip out un-observed.

My front door holds a mental hang up for me.
Wish I had the guts to say . Sod em.

I truely admire those who have the bottle to go out & just be their normal self.