Tuesday, June 01, 2010

A note for myself.


I could keep those close & dear to me
I can just get on with living.
I don't change who I am.
Acceptance from friends & others alike.
I can carry on doing the thinks I love.
Remove the mental deadweight.
Loose the stress
Settle the mind, attain some sort of inner peace & learn to like myself.
To remove my duel ID & all the complications that arise from it.


Loosing family.
Loosing friends.
What if I'm wrong
My aesthetics.
Being selfish.
Remaining outside society.
Coping with change & my already fragile confidence.
Loss of security
Loss of direction.

Unless I can remove the fears, I dont think I shall ever move on.



Pandora Caitiff said...

I don't like to do advice. I'm scared I'll send people wrong. But here's some affirmation-type stuff to ponder:

You are the only person who can decide the right way for you to live. Anyone who claims they know best for you should be met with skepticism until you can evaluate their motives for doing so.

You are allowed to live your life the way you choose unless you are restricting other's freedoms, or hurting others (without their consent). If someone claims that your very existence harms them, then their iopinion does not count and everything they say should be treated with suspicion.

Good luck overcoming your fears. Have you read a book called Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway? Might be worth a skim at the library.

Anonymous said...

Thankyou for your kind words Pan.

The majority of my fears are within my mind. I'm not so niave as not to realise, but like the addict they are hard for me to give up.

Being torn apart by what the head & your heart advise is a major conflict for me. One I'm trying to resolve, but the goal posts do like keep moving. I was hopeing that to write down & recognise, put into words , give body to a few of these might help in a small way to focus on my issues.

I think I've moved on in the last few years, broken a few of the barriers. I've certainly watched as others gallop away trying to pull some inspiration.

I'm being positive. One thing I have despite a few glum days. I have no fear I will find resolution at some point.

Not read the book, but will check it out.
Curently filtering my way through 'Becoming Drusilla' . First person narrative givig a reactional perspective of his friends transition. Which I glad to say is told with humour. Me trying to gauge peoples reactions maybe to myself I guess.

Also a bit of a strange read in so much as I've met & chatted with both auther & subject.

Jess said...

Catching up, as I've been away.

Its good that you are writing and processing - in due course, I'm sure, the right way for you will open up. Lifes like that.