...my return to the crime scene

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Well, no disasters last time , so I decided to peek my head outside again.
For those who have been going out for years this may seem all a bit trivial & over dramatic. (do trannies do melodrama ?, surely not.)
For me it's still a pretty big leap. Not only because I don't know what I'll be leaping into , but not entirely sure why either.

That aside and first things first. My new fret was that I don't have anything casual to wear out.
Well that's sorted for this week. Frantic E-bay bashing. Yay. New Black blouse , Shoes & trousers. Something & could feel confident in & not feel like I was going to show up as a flashing tranny beacon. This is a carry over from my bloke side. This I really don't want to look a total twat & have people pointing at me laughing.

The problem I'm finding with e-bay though is that I'm never entirely sure if what I think is going to turn up & look right for me , will actually turn up, fit & look right. I'm sure experience will sort this out in the end. I guess I have 35 or so years of catching up to do on genuine girls of my age.
My fear is the whole Coco the Clown look. Maybe it's happened & Im not aware of it , but I haven't had any custard pies thrown my way yet.

So , part one of the military operation is done. Yay , I'm not going out naked or with size 20 boots, oversize stripped trousers, braces & a large red nose with optional bucket of water.

Part two the preparation now seems to take me for ever. Makeup & hair. A couple of years down the line, I should be faster through this process by now ! Surely.
I beginning to envy those who don a wig. Looks good pretty much straight away. Its got to be faster than wash & blow dry & hope I can make something of my dodgy bloke cut.
I was almost tempted to put the tongs to mine & add some curls , but I thought time & place for experimentation was probably not just before you step out.

Get dressed, no time at all. Ah with one exception. I dawned slowly on me that in my mad panic I had managed to leave my trousers in my car.
So there I am , full make up, boobs, half dressed. I throw on my bloke kit over it all & have to run the gauntlet to from my flat to my car & back. Hoping all the neighbours occupied & watching TV not TV's.

That done , heart racing like a hell. Quick change. Quick photo above deep breath & & execute part 3 of the plan . Out the door to do the gauntlet again.

It's strange. Its that few moments of stepping out, listening to make sure the way is clear which are the ones I find most daunting. The ones I question myself most about.
Once in the car & off driving , no problem. Wheels & doors don't fall off, no 20 foot jets of water from the radiator. Coco's not here & there is no problem.
Even the walk from the car park to the pub , no worries. Try to keep my head up high & go.
The fret of opening the door & walking in is momentary. The smiling friendly faces are a welcome sight. Truely, really are. I don't think I would have pushed myself a second time if this were not the case.

The relative newness of all this I'm finding a little strange at the moment. I think I'm tending to be a little too withdrawn. Not knowing quite how to act around new people. How to gauge people & how to react. I want to just be myself. Awkwardness. I should be able to get the fuck over it by now.

Anyway , Coco in drag who came around with the charity bucket for the children's appeal , made me feel a whole lot better about myself :O) Pissed & in a bad frock, I'm happy for you to draw as much attention as you like mate.

Pinched photo: By Mia & fiddled with by me.


Anonymous said...

I saw that you'd made it out whilst skimming blogs on an expensive hotel internet connection, but I didn't have the time to comment back then.

Just wanted to say belated congratulations and I'm so glad it went well. I didn't even know there was a group that met in Norwich!

Really chuffed for you. :-)

Lara Tyg said...

Thankyou Becky , it actually went a whole lot better than my imagination had predicted.
On the most part because because the group were so friendly & because the venue the rest of the punters were accepting or plain not bothered.
(although a little supprised to find it 1/2 a mile down the road.)

So that's both of us starting new things.
Im glad to read that your wedding & honeymoon went well.
Now comes the fun bit :O) Im wishing you both well for it.